We’re about 10 months out from my son’s wedding, and clothing decisions are being made.

No, not the bride. She’s had her dress picked out for a while now. I hope it’s black and gold with a Hawkeye logo on the train.

My wife found her dress. It’s hanging up now in her closest, where it’ll be until next June.

The other night, Anna, my son’s fiancée, sent a text asking me if I would wear a velvet suit.

I actually liked the pictures of the suits she sent. They were, however, being worn by models, who are, by nature, much younger and better looking than me. So the suit will not look nearly as good on me as it did the models.

I suggested shorts with the suit, which would look stupendous with dress shoes, dark socks, and sock garters to hold up the socks. Certainly, a look no one would forget; probably take the attention away from the bride.

My wife, however, did not like the suits. So I, obviously, will not be wearing one of those suits or the shorts or sock garters.

I do have to get a suit some time.

Right now, buying a suit for a wedding 10 months away is not nearly as important to me as:

• The Oakland A’s making the playoffs.

• The Oakland A’s winning the World Series.

• Going to Disneyland in a little more than a month.

• Winning the lottery so I don’t have to come back from Disneyland.

• The Pittsburgh Steelers winning the Super Bowl.

• Iowa beating Nebraska.

• Wondering if I’ll survive running outside during the winter, or if I’ll even be brave enough to try.

Clearly, there is a lot of important stuff on my mind.

I do wonder sometimes about the wedding, which will be outside on Anna’s family’s farm.

I’m a little worried about how much I’ll sweat in a suit, outside, in June, and what happens if I step in something squishy.

These are things that pop into my head and make me wonder.

There is a church on standby in case of rain, so I’m not really worried about the weather, just the heat.

That probably makes a velvet suit impractical, but the shorts are a great idea.

Also, will there be livestock wandering through the ceremony, and if so, will they drop anything I could step in?

These are big concerns of mine. No one will want to stand next to the sweaty guy who squishes when he walks.

I’m guessing I might need a couple suits and extra shoes just in case.

You know, my wife has it so much easier. She’s got a dress hanging up in the closest she can put on while I’m worried about heat and cow pies.

This wedding is tough on me.


Patrick Murphy, editor-publisher of the Humphrey Democrat and Newman Grove Reporter in Nebraska, is a former assistant managing editor of The Telegram.