Opinion

Dear Amy: I travel by air for work relatively often and have TSA Pre-check to get through security faster. My regional airport allows Clear to operate there, and I find myself getting angry every time a Clear employee escorts someone in front of me in line without acknowledging my presence, asking my permission, or apologizing for “cutting” in front of me. I’ve been trying to think of a clever and direct way to preemptively signal that I’m not OK with them walking in front of me. I’ve even looked online to see if this is something I need to accept, but haven’t found anything. Any thoughts? – Silently Simmering Dear Simmering: Clear is a private company that operates in airports, using biometrics (iris scan and fingerprints) to expedite passage through airport security lines. I note on the company’s website that they offer human “ambassadors” to escort paid users to the front of security lines – that’s the “cutting” you’ve experienced. Just as you have paid extra to join the TSA Pre-check queue (allowing you to bypass many of the security checks other passengers tolerate), cutting the line seems to be the privilege these customers are purchasing. The experience of being pre-empted by others is one of many at airports these days that passengers are not “OK” with. An “ambassador” should make eye contact with you and say something like: “Excuse me – I’m escorting this Clear customer through the expedited line. Thank you for your patience.” In addition to being basically polite, treating other passengers well might sell their service to potential customers. On the other hand, they may see any interchange with other passengers as opening the door to complaints. Your question is really about how to respond to this abrupt interruption. I have no clever response, but saying, “Hi there – after you … have a nice flight,” might inspire an acknowledgment or a more polite response from them. Dear Amy: “Suspicious Grandma”

The second full week of February is Homes for Birds week. It will fall on Feb.

Dear Amy: Recently I told my wife that I planned to reach out to “Sharon,” a former co-worker who is an industry expert, for advice about changing jobs. My wife angrily and immediately accused me of having an affair with Sharon, and insisted that I wanted to get a job near her to continue the affair. I have never, ever cheated on my wife. I’m a homebody who works from home. I don’t travel for work and rarely go out with friends. Sharon lives over four hours away. I haven’t seen her in over six years, haven’t spoken on the phone in years, and we exchange businessrelated text messages every few months. I worked with Sharon for three years and my wife never voiced any suspicions. I never saw or talked to Sharon outside of the office when we did work together. In the 15 years I’ve been married to my wife she’s never acted so irrationally, or accused me of having an affair. The next day all my wife said was, “I’m sorry. Can we please not talk about this again?” She insists that we should act like nothing happened and that counseling is unnecessary. I’m deeply hurt that she would even think I’m having an affair. I’m also worried about her mental health because her accusations didn’t even make any sense. Do you have an explanation for my wife’s irrational behavior? Should I join her in pretending it never happened? – Baffled in Baltimore Dear Baffled: Your wife reacted in a way that was irrational and unprecedented in your relationship. Your wife is embarrassed by her own behavior; of course she doesn’t want to discuss it further! But I agree with you that it is important that you two discuss this in order to come to a resolution that will satisfy both of you. Resolving a challenge is the opposite from pretending it never happened. Your wife may admit to having long-standing suspicions and insecurity about this previous work relationship. She should also be asked to understand how hurtful it is to absorb such a serious, unfounded and unf

If you live long enough you see your heroes fade away. I’ve reached that age.

Dear Amy: My husband’s job requires that he be active on social media. His primary account contains mostly work-related content, but he also uses it to direct people to some personal writing and photography. He has several thousand followers. I am not active on social media for my own valid reasons, and I understand that my husband can manage his own choices. I have asked him NOT to post personal information about me, but he still shares more information than I would like. When my mother died, he posted a “tribute” to her on his blog and promoted it on all his accounts. He included lots of personal details, including her maiden and married names. A few days ago, he forwarded an email tomefromamanwho had read his blog. The man said he’d done genealogical research and had determined that his grandmother and my mother were half-sisters. He asked Time for a second opinion?

Dear Amy: About five months ago my friend “Stacy” fell on some hard times. I offered her rides to her job so that she could save up for another car, as her transmission went kaput. Stacy has been very good with reciprocating favors, contributing gas money, buying us groceries, etc. Reciprocation isn't my issue. But my husband and I seem to have become a permanent taxi service for her. Now it includes rides to the store and to run errands related to her job. I just learned that Stacy is going on a week's vacation to visit a friend. I immediately stated that she would need Uber to get to her friend’s place because my husband won't do inner-city driving. I'm all about helping someone for a temporary period of time, but now I feel like my whole life revolves around Stacy’s needs for transportation. Now that she is going on vacation, it occurs to me that she could have had a replacement car by now. I don't want to lose a friendship, but I want our lives back! What’s the nicest way to end our taxi service? Appreciate any suggestions! – Tired of Driving in Ohio Dear Tired: You might start with a question: “How’s your search for a new car coming?” No matter how “Stacy” responds, you should say: “I’m giving you a heads up, here. We’ve been happy to help you out, but it’s been six months now and our transportation help is going to stop at the end of the month.” You should not have to invent an excuse or a reason for this, but it might help you to keep a statement in your pocket: “We hope you can find a working vehicle. If you find one you’d like to look at, we’d be happy to take you to a car lot.” It sounds as if your town has people who use their cars for “ride hailing” purposes. This might work for Stacy until she can get another car. Dear Amy: I have a friend, “Julia,” whom I've known for over 20 years. We live hundreds of miles apart, and so we stay in touch by email since Julia never answers her telephone. I enjoy staying i

Dear Amy: I’m a 41-year-old man. My wife is 34. We’ve been married for 15 years. We have two children, ages 14 and eight. Our marriage has been difficult, mainly due to my PTSD from Iraq and an opioid addiction. Once I got sober, I shut out the world. I was an avoidant parent. My wife stuck with me through all of this, but 18 months ago she confessed to a short-lived affair. We’ve decided to reconcile. I’ve since changed as far as being avoidant, she’s changed and made great efforts, but I’m so profoundly affected by her affair that I tend to get stuck and have a hard time getting through the day without being angry or sad. I know I was a crappy husband. She wasn’t perfect either, but this whole thing about her stepping out of that marriage is crushing. I’m trying to forgive, she’s working hard on everything, and yet I often feel very empty and lonely, as well as angry. We’ve had counseling for about 14 months, but I feel like I need to find healing for me, not just the marriage. I’m finding it very difficult. Any advice? – J Dear J: You are objectively presenting your own challenges and the extreme impact – over many years – on your family. Your wife stuck with you throughout this ordeal. She doesn’t seem to be blaming you for your own extreme challenges, and you seem to be trying very hard not to blame her for hers. You definitely need healing – for you. You don’t mention what, if any, treatment you’ve had for your PTSD, but I urge you to start, continue, or resume treatment. Ideally this would involve talk therapy with a counselor trained in working with servicemembers. Loneliness, emptiness, sadness, isolation, and especially anger are all residual effects of PTSD, and private as well as group counseling with other veterans would help you to continue to heal. I hope you can see this healing as a process for all of you. And it will take time. To me, you seem like a fierce and resilient survivor. I hope you can learn to see your

The more college and professional sports change, the more I appreciate high school athletics. I still enjoy watching college and pro sports, the games have not changed much over the years.